The conflict between divorced parents can cause lasting emotional damage to children. While for many couples divorce may be the right route, toxicity doesn’t have to be. Many studies have shown that when parents are able to maintain a cordial relationship with each other post-divorce, their children grow up much healthier. Of course, there are exceptions to this, such as in cases of abuse, neglect, or addiction. Below we will compare two methods of parenting for divorced or separated parents.
Co-Parenting
Co-parenting is a term commonly used amongst therapists and divorced couples. It is when parents behave civilly towards one another for the well-being of their kids. It doesn’t necessarily mean that conflict won’t arise, but when it does, the conflict will not affect the relationship the child has with either parent. When co-parenting, parents attempt to agree on the majority of issues, including a workable parenting schedule. This works best when there is mutual respect for one another as parents, effective communication, and flexibility when needed.
Parallel Parenting
Parallel parenting is a term used when there is simply too much conflict between the parents for them to be able to effectively interact or work together for the sake of their children. In this method of parenting, most issues revolving around the children are not resolved through amicable discussions between both parents. Often parents resort to parallel parenting as a last resort, after countless attempts at co-parenting have failed. With parallel parenting, there is minimal communication between the parents. Any necessary communication usually takes place indirectly, such as through email, or the use of a parenting app, and should be conducted in a business-like manner – brief and to the point. The exception to this would be in the event of an emergency. Functions and events surrounding the children are never attended by both parents at the same time but are alternated between the two. Drop-offs, pickups, and appointments tend to occur through a predetermined set system that works for both parents. Parallel parenting minimizes a child’s exposure to conflict between parents and while far from ideal, for some couples it may be the only way to proceed.
Which Method is Better?
It is well accepted that the ideal is for children to have parents who can cooperate with one another and get along rather than always being in conflict. It is worth noting that these two categories are not mutually exclusive and often divorced parents will porpoise between the two styles. For example, a couple that effectively co-parents on most issues may be unable to agree on a curfew for a teenager. Sometimes, one parent may lean towards co-parenting whereas the other leans towards parallel parenting. It also depends on how much each parent is willing to compromise. Other factors that determine which route is the best one to take when it is difficult for parents to effectively co-parent include how much parenting time each parent has and how changes in parenting schedules and/or conflicts are handled.
We are Celebrating 25 Years this Month!
In March of 1998, James Joseph launched Joseph Law Group, P.C.
In the words of James, "I have very high professional standards, and only through my own firm could I ensure that my staff and my associates shared these standards. Divorce is often a traumatic and expensive life event, I am humbled by the trust our clients place in us, and committed to ensuring that we do all we can to honor that trust and obtain a successful outcome."
Today, Joseph Law Group, P.C., has five attorneys and a support staff of five and practices solely in the areas of divorce and family law. We never lose sight of our goal - obtaining an equitable resolution for clients without inflicting unnecessary financial and emotional damage on the family.
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A bottle of Veuve Clicquot which Joseph Bracconier is so grateful to receive this recent thank you!
